Tuesday, 16 May 2017


"One of the hardest things you will ever have to do,
 my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive."

This one is for you, N. 

A poem-esque piece I wrote once upon a dark time:

How does it feel like to miss someone you love...but may never be with again? It's like holding your breath underwater waiting for the moment that you can rise up and breathe again. You stay there, suffocating in the misery of yearning for the one that got away, with the small naive hope that they will return to you. You're suffocating and slowly you are dying. The only thing providing you with life is that small glimmer of hope, that same glimmer you see as the sun reflects off the surface of the water as you struggle in the dark deep water below. But there is that part of you that wonders, will I ever get that moment to breathe again? What if they never come back?

Tuesday, 2 May 2017


ˈmav(ə)rɪk/ noun:
an unorthodox or independent-minded person.

I talked to N yesterday and it made me realise something I've subconsciously learnt over the past two years. People teach you to play hard to get because that's how you keep the guy, that's how you keep them interested. But I remember something my brother told me a year ago: "When you're in a relationship, there's no need to play games. You're both in the relationship because you obviously like each other." And it made sense, yet didn't really fully make sense... Because we all know when we start replying quicker, sound a little too eager, a tad clingy, the guy for some stupid magical-unicorn reason, stops reciprocating and becomes cold, or just less attentive. Steve Harvey wrote a best-selling book for women teaching them how play the game: "Act like a lady, think like a man." Part three is called the 'Playbook: How to Win the Game' which pretty much sums up how this self-help book almost ruined me.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017


"I never promised you a happy ending,
You never said you wouldn't make me cry,
but summer love will keep us warm long after
our autumn goodbye,
 autumn goodbye, autumn goodbye"
 - Britney Spears 

In the past, all my relationships have started in Winter. Summer comes and it's 'Summer Love', but none until now, with this one, have made it into Autumn. So no this isn't, as Ms Spears dubbed it, Autumn Goodbye. This one is here to stay.

They say "anyone that encourages intellectual, emotional, artistic or spiritual growth is worth keeping. Don't let them go." But they forget that some people who encourage intellectual growth may do so in the worst way, in the most demeaning way. And those who encourage emotional growth may do so in the most heartless way... So no, be with someone who is kind to you, who is patient and understanding towards you. "If you find yourself thinking 'Wait. Can't say that. He'll think I'm weird and f*cked up.' Ditch them and find someone who responds with something twice as weird and three times as f*cked up." 

When you blurt out something that's completely bizarre because you no longer filter yourself, then you stare at him and he stares back in a moment of silence... But then he bursts out laughing at your idiocy. That's when you know you've found someone of the same wavelength. He doesn't judge your weirdness but fall for it time and time again, and you on the other hand are fulfilled by the fact that you can make him laugh.

Tuesday, 4 April 2017


"Define success on your own terms, 
achieve it by your own rules, 
and build life you're proud to live."
- Anne Sweeney

It's so easy when being surrounded by high-achievers to feel so lost, to become completely persuaded by majority's definition of success. L confided in us about her cousin, how she was a dentist, dating a dentist, about to get married, and moving into the house they bought together. But as my friend Q says, "Define your own success!".

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