A LIL' BAD

"Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel,

I hope that you choose not to be a lady.

I hope you will find some way to

break the rules and make a little trouble out there.

And I also hope that you will choose to make some

of that trouble on behalf of women."

- Nora Ephron

It hit me, that revelation, waking me up. Those words my friend said as a joke to another: "Not mad, just disappointed...Wow you're guilt tripping". And that has been me a few times in the past, I have subconsciously guilt tripped those whom I loved. In wanting to retain the 'good-girl' image, I would never say I'm mad (at them), I would only say I was disappointed (in the situation). Because 'mad' is such a strong negative emotion. But disappointment is like an evil clown, deceivingly colourful all over. Toxic. Passive-aggressive. 'Disappointed' is so often perceived to be an attack on a person, not on a situation, so one should be careful with the usage of the word. Words of negative emotions are sensitive to express. 80% of the time it will be perceived wrong. Communication is difficult, gosh this is why I can't deal with people sometimes.

"If you don't do this, then it means you don't care". Guilt tripping? But it has always been my way of being honest about how I felt. It is not an intentional act of manipulation. Manipulation is when you skillfully plan to control someone, a well thought out execution. That is not me. I say 'you don't care' because I honestly felt like they didn't care. I rarely demand anything, and when I do, it means it is very important to me. I guess I just didn't express it in the best way. Instead of bringing out the 'you don't care' card, you should just elaborate more on the situation, to communicate that something honestly means a lot. 'You don't care' is surprisingly hurtful, along with 'I'm disappointed in you' and 'I am unhappy with you'. Passive aggressive words are poisonous. I guess you should just avoid expressing negative emotions in words and just express them physically. Key their car, slap their face, burn their home. I'm kidding by the way... Like I said, expressing negative emotions are difficult, most of the time you will get a negative reaction back. One can only hope that you will surround yourself with people who are understanding enough to either get over it, or even better yet, not get offended in the first place.

Being a 'bad'* person makes other people feel better about themselves, it makes you easier to relate to when you are not perfect. Because no one is perfect. Maybe this is why we are attracted to those who are a little bad, yes T I'm thinking about you. It makes you more approachable when you are real. When you reveal and personally acknowledge your flaws, you open the door for others to be real with you too. So it is better to embrace your negative aspects than to sugar coat it. Negativity is bad but bottling it up or sugar coating it is worse. Negative emotions are necessary, it's human, it's real. For someone like me who refuses to dwindle on negativity (usually happy and bubbly), having to face the rare chance where my own negative emotions have been conjured by people and situations, has proven catastrophic. So note to self: learn to embrace your negative emotions.

Going off on a tangent now: I can be so impulsive sometimes, the amount of times I express that I am a 'doer' and not a 'talker'. What sets those who succeed apart from those who don't, is the ability to put thoughts into actions instead of words. Take this photo-shoot for example, I lent my digital camera to someone and I forgot it had not yet been returned for my scheduled photo-shoot before I flew off to Hong Kong. Time ticking, sun setting and dinner plans waiting, I resolved to using an iPhone 6s camera for this shoot. Defy obstacles and just do it, sure the quality isn't as good as my digital camera but art is art, in many forms. There's professional photographers out there who use toy cameras to create art. Why not an iPhone? That's not new to be honest, for fashion editorials sure, but why not be the first? In that respect, this is what this article's Nora Ephron quote is about: To break rules and create new ways of doing things instead of being a 'lady' and following along with expectations.

*A certain type of bad of course.

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