BECOMING

“If you don't get out there and define yourself, 

you'll be quickly and inaccurately defined by others.” 

- Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama's new Netflix documentary 'Becoming' is truly inspirational for 1.5 hours of your time. It lightly touches on many areas which are insightful (like feminism and race) but the highlight of the piece which was relevant to not just women or people of colour was the importance of how you viewed yourself. Not being invisible doesn't start by others acknowledging you. Not being invisible starts by you not feeling invisible from within.    

I have felt invisible for most of my life. I was the quiet kid within a circle of 'friends'. Always biting my tongue, too afraid to say something wrong even though behind close doors I am a chatter box who rambles with no ending (7/11 is what he calls me, from Rush Hour: "Because his mouth never closes"). I grew up extremely inquisitive, to the point that it annoyed my older brother and mother. They would shut me down and I would stop asking 'stupid' questions. As much as people in the workplace these days kindly say 'there is no such thing as a stupid question' I would still be hesitant. It highlights how important your upbringing is. I reflect on Michelle's upbringing captured in the documentary, how she said she never felt invisible because it began at the dinner table. Her mother encouraged her brother and her to ask questions, as long as it was done politely. They always had a voice. Being inquisitive and not being afraid of having a voice is so important to having a positive impact on society as an adult. Although I can imagine it being super annoying for a parent when their child is asking questions every second of the day, I hope that when I become a mother one day I would have the patience not to squash that inquisitiveness in my child, but to nurture it instead. I'm not saying it will be easy, nor that I would succeed but I am going to try.

I feel the importance of this more and more now. My entire life before I met my SO I mostly bit my tongue. I was accidentally left out of my high school year book because I was so invisible. The last two 'relationships' I have had I would have endless dialogues in my own head while they were right there in front of me. I was too afraid to say something inappropriate and be judged. However I realise now that the more they judged me, the more it was a reflection of their own insecurities and dire need for a perfect image. With him? I go wild. With him it feels like he is inside my mind already and I am not afraid to sound annoying, ask stupid questions or just be crazy. It's not that he doesn't make snarky remarks about how stupid or annoying I am, he does, but it doesn't make me feel like he loves me any less. If anything, he loves me more. And it's starting to make sense. I started doing better in interviews. As much as I've done a lot of the hard yards in getting to where I am today without him, it was him allowing me to be me that has led me to become the person I am today. I am less afraid to speak up and speak my mind. I take snarky remarks in stride. I am unapologetic. I am accepting.

There is also the previous one to thank as well. I realised the more I bit my tongue and apologised for things, the less he respected me. As much as I was played by that 'relationship', I would not be so unafraid to do and say the things I do today with my SO if not for the lessons I have learned previously. There are no regrets. There is only growth. 

Lareina white shorts / Lariena white blazer / Lovisa necklace / Lareina earings

 / Lareina grey coat / Lareina cardigan / H&M beige pants