COLD WATER

"One of the hardest things you will ever have to do,

 my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive."

This one is for you, N. 

A poem-esque piece I wrote once upon a dark time:

How does it feel like to miss someone you love...but may never be with again? It's like holding your breath underwater waiting for the moment that you can rise up and breathe again. You stay there, suffocating in the misery of yearning for the one that got away, with the small naive hope that they will return to you. You're suffocating and slowly you are dying. The only thing providing you with life is that small glimmer of hope, that same glimmer you see as the sun reflects off the surface of the water as you struggle in the dark deep water below. But there is that part of you that wonders, will I ever get that moment to breathe again? What if they never come back?

And when you finally get to see them again, a breathe of fresh air, they are there... but they are not really. Seeing them reminds you of how cold they are, it reminds you of the fact that they will never come back, not the warmth you once felt. It is the feeling of finally reaching the surface, but the surface of the water is unexpectedly turbulent and throws you around like a doll, forcing you to swallow salty water in the process. The surface is a temporary relief, to see them you can breathe a little better, but still, you are constantly swallowing water, and still, you are drowning.

But imagine, the one you love does come back, for some miraculous reason. From days, weeks, and months of praying and hoping, of patiently waiting, they open their eyes and their heart again and realise you are worth trying with. You are suddenly pulled through the surface and are flying through the air, you can breathe, but you can do more than breathe, you can fly. He has given you wings.

The scary part is, if he can give you wings, he too can take them away and send you back into the deep dark water where he sent you the first time. It is a lesson to be self-sufficient. Pull yourself out of the water slowly, learn to float back up to the surface, then learn to swim. One step at a time. It is dark and it is cold, but no one can truly save you except yourself.

The End. 

(to the Beginning)

Lareina Black Lace Dress / Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick (Certainly Red)