Tuesday, 2 May 2017

THE MAVERICK

ˈmav(ə)rɪk/ noun:
an unorthodox or independent-minded person.


I talked to N yesterday and it made me realise something I've subconsciously learnt over the past two years. People teach you to play hard to get because that's how you keep the guy, that's how you keep them interested. But I remember something my brother told me a year ago: "When you're in a relationship, there's no need to play games. You're both in the relationship because you obviously like each other." And it made sense, yet didn't really fully make sense... Because we all know when we start replying quicker, sound a little too eager, a tad clingy, the guy for some stupid magical-unicorn reason, stops reciprocating and becomes cold, or just less attentive. Steve Harvey wrote a best-selling book for women teaching them how play the game: "Act like a lady, think like a man." Part three is called the 'Playbook: How to Win the Game' which pretty much sums up how this self-help book almost ruined me.



There are some important enlightening lessons in this book, I'm not going to discredit its entirety. But it sets a woman into a deadly mindset to think she can play the game better than the player. So instead of having to read 242 pages from Mr Harvey's book, let me save you the time by giving you the ultimate lesson in one sentence: 'Don't act hard to get, BE HARD TO GET.' As @thegoodquote posted: "There are 4 very important words in life: Love, honesty, truth and respect. Without these in your life, you have nothing." So don't lie to him, or to yourself, that you are hard to get in order to get the attention you want. Instead of putting all that energy trying to play the game and make him want you, put that energy in building yourself into a woman that a man (who is ready for everything that you are) wants. Don't pretend you are independent and self-sufficient. Be independent and self-sufficient. But DO NOT confuse independence and self-sufficiency with being cold and non-nonchalant. Everybody just wants to be loved and loves attention, male or female. Don't be afraid to 'want' someone and someone's attention, just don't fall into the deadly mind space of 'needing' someone. It is okay to want something, you just don't need it. You want something, you go get it. You can't get it? Then you're a strong enough woman to be okay with that because you never needed it/him anyway.


Independence doesn't mean nonchalant, I blame the failure of my past two relationships partially on the fact that I had my walls up, I had been severely hurt prior to my two relationships and I feared being emotionally dependent on another person, so much so that I feared showing them I loved them. Well, know that the less you show them you love them, the more you push them away. You are hiding your true powers as a woman when you hide your love for him:

“Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty, encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough. That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance.” - Steve Harvey (Act like a lady, think like a man).


Steve Harvey's quote really reminds me of the most unorthodox thing I have ever done. Even after he figuratively closed the door in my face, the foolish compassionate woman in me stayed and fought. But I knew my worth enough to not stay for long. One month. One month proved that I was capable of loving and he was not. I used that one month to teach me everything I needed about myself so I could be a better person for my next relationship. I let that one month build me up instead of tear me down. It was something unorthodox, making him stay for one more month even when he had decided to give up on me and completely tear my heart apart. Really confused him too I guess. But that one month saved me and taught me things I could never learn in a year. And when that one month finished, having learnt the lessons I needed, I let it die. I let him close that door on me one final time so I could find someone better. And I have found someone better. So I am thankful, for everything.

Now back to helping you girls out: what do you do when they stop giving you the attention you want when you start showing a little more interest. Well let their stupid ass know that interest doesn't mean dependency. Calm, rational, confident and open communication really is key. Tell them you want more attention from him but also assess whether you're demanding too much and being unreasonable. If you conclude that you are reasonable in wanting a little more than what he is currently giving, let him know that and if he doesn't change then let him know you won't be hanging around for too much longer. You should leave him to provide room for someone who actually does give you the sufficient attention you want. And that someone could be yourself because you can give yourself more attention that he can. Remember, you are self-sufficient. You don't 'need' him, you just 'want' him. And if he doesn't want you the same way, continue to place that energy and time on yourself to become someone who any other man will easily want. Don't play hard to get, BE HARD TO GET. Clear? Cool. My job is done. Saved you from reading 242 pages from Steve Harvey which will almost ruin your relationship. You're welcome.

*If you have any specific questions you are curious (about yourself or me) you'd like to ask, spill it out below, and feel free to comment anonymously.

Willow & Lace Dress / White Lareina Stiletto Heels / Lareina Accessories

3 comments:

  1. Interesting post and nice outfit ;)

    https://4highheelsfans.wordpress.com/2017/04/30/beautheelfull/

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  2. Love the tones down neutrals with bling and texture! I used to drop by here when your face was zig zagged over! How crazy!

    Pixelhazard | Bright Green Laces |

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    Replies
    1. Oh wow! It's been a while haha, but YES I still remember you <3 So sweet of you to drop by again. So much has changed since then haha

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