ROMANTIC WARRIOR

"I'm a modern woman in the sense of I take care of myself,

 I'm fiercely independent, and I'm really ambitious.

 Yet I have these old-school thoughts in my mind."

- Eva Mendes 

This one is for them boys, men... males, on behalf of girls, women... females. Whatever you call yourselves. I find it a touchy subject to talk about gender roles publicly because views are somewhat controversial. The conflict is gender roles are generic and people are complex. Yet here I am today risking being publicly attacked to try help some of you boys out, enlighten you (whilst indirectly helping the ladies out). To all those guys out there who are interested in someone, pursuing someone or starting off with someone... Yes I hope you're reading this because you're going to benefit from it. Actually everyone will benefit from this, it's a life lesson about humans. The lesson to take away is don't make assumptions.

Yes it's quite tough in the 21st century with all this feminism going on, females fighting for equal rights, you guys just don't know where you should stand with us. Is she the type to want the man to act traditionally - pay for dinner, drive her around, carry her bags/books? Or does she want him to treat her exactly equal? One of the lessons is there's no point asking her. So here's the breakdown:

1. Being an independent girl doesn't mean we don't appreciate chivalry

Yes we can drive our own car, yes we can get ourselves to places, heck we can even get you to places. But that doesn't mean we don't appreciate it when you drive us around. I'm not trying to speak for every independent girl out there, but for some of us we really appreciate it when you are the driver instead of us because even though we are clearly capable of driving a car ourselves, you doing it instead makes us feel protected by you, cared by you... loved by you. For you it's just 'driving a car', for some of us it's a lot more. Even though independent women don't feel like we need any protection, women are still women, it's genetically in most of us to appreciate the feeling of being protected and loved. And providing for us (e.g. paying for dinner) is another way for us to feel protected, it's still wired in some of us. This is going to get half of us girls heated when I say this, but the other half of the girls still appreciate it when the guy offers to pay for dinner because it proves to us you love us more than your money, it proves to us you value us.   

2. Feminism doesn't mean we feel degraded when you guys offer

You can't go wrong by offering to: pay for dinner, pick us up, or carry our books. It's safer to just offer. Most of us are not going to bite your head off or get offended when you offer to do acts of chivalry. Sure some of us might think it's stupid, give you a funny look when you offer to carry our books because we're strong enough to carry them ourselves: "We've been doing it for years, what makes you think we need you to do it for us now?". But don't assume this is what we all automatically think as girls of the 21st century. We're fighting for equality but not all of us want literal equality, some of us can be independent, want the freedom of a powerful woman but still have the mindset of a traditionalist, still getting butterflies from the small acts of kindness. Offer or you will never know where you stand, and where the girl stands in her views.

3. Don't ask an independent girl what she expects

When I say 'offer' I don't mean ask them: "What do you want me to do..." Or "Do you want me to..." because an independent girl will most likely not admit they want you to do certain things for them, it makes them appear weak and needy. So our answer will most definitely be something along the lines of "Nothing" or "No, it's fine". Half of us truly mean it, a 1/4 of us actually don't, and the other 1/4 doesn't even know what they want (sorry we're girls). Take a lesson from what I've learnt from being a top salesperson in my last job: when trying to help a customer out, don't ask them "Do you want me to...?" instead position it to be "Let me help you..." and then actually do it. It's an attractive level of assertiveness. Unfortunately with independent girls, you have to break down some hard walls. Just because we're tough on the outside don't assume we're tough on the inside too, some of us are and some of us aren't. You can only find out overtime, but let's not get yourselves into trouble by relying on your assumptions too strongly in the early stages.

So just remember this, don't make assumptions. Humans are complex creatures. We are all different. This is true not just for relationships but with everything else in life. Take this lesson with you everywhere: don't make assumptions.


Forever21 Faux Stone Chandelier Earrings / Valleygirl Mod Dress / Siren Black Zadie Heels