HALO

halo effect 

/ˈheɪləʊ/ ɪˈfɛkt/

The tendency for an impression created in one area to

 influence opinion in another area.

I complained during the early-mid year of 2016 that this was one of the worst years I've ever gone through... only because I had such great expectations for it. It started so well, filled with so much potential, only to fall apart. My mind was so focused with the failures that I almost completely overlooked my accomplishments and my blessings. The negative halo effect, negativity in one small area and it cast a negative shade over everything else.

KNOCKOUT

"...who you are is defined by what 
you're willing to struggle for." 
- Mark Manson

I don't see gender, and my older brother clearly doesn't either. At home, he will put me in an arm triangle or rear naked, all the moves he has learned from Brazilian Jujitsu. Me? Despite my inability to truly survive in situations like these that happen on a regular, I will still put up a mean fight. I would whack his nose (making him sneeze, which is hilarious) or just plain slap him across the face (only to work him up a bit more so he cranks my arm back a little harder). However, having taken up Muay Thai, I am now capable of giving him a few mean knees into the ribs and falsely elbow him on the head. All the meanwhile with Mumma Chen casually walking past, not so impressed that her daughter is acting a lot less like a daughter in her eyes.

STARLIGHT

"I said, 'Oh my, what a marvelous tune'
It was the best night, never would forget how he moved.
The whole place was dressed to the nines,
And we were dancing, dancing
Like we're made of starlight...

Like we dream impossible dreams."

- Taylor Swift

D back at it again with his inspiration, this time about developing yourself and your passions. I don't care much for people with money, and I love intelligence as I feel like I can learn from them and grow... but nothing... nothing is quite like a person of passion. And their passion does not need to be one that is aligned with my own, a person speaking about something they truly love is captivating in its own right, the way they light up, the way they are filled with life as the words fall out like precious gemstones. And there I am, just staring and listening in absolute awe... People's passions feed my own curious mind, a mind that loves to see the beauty in everything. And a person who speaks of their passion brings beauty into that very subject, a perspective of devotion that is contagious.

BEACH BOMBSHELL

"You know you're hooked on fitness when 
taking a rest day takes more discipline
 than working out!"

The sizzling 'Australian Summer' is arriving, so how could I resist not devoting at least one editorial to what makes Australia, well, Australia. With the most amazing beaches, it makes all the sense to share it with you whilst also inspiring you to get active and stay fit. Bringing you the carefree Australian babe vibe with salt water hair, sun-kissed skin and sandy toned toned bods (yes that's a deliberate repeated word of 'toned' to emphasise this fortnight's article). Despite the title, I do not proclaim myself to be a bombshell, oh hell no. I don't think my under-aged Asian features can exude the amount of sexiness required to claim such a title. 'Bombshell' just looked good next to the word 'beach' because of 'shell'. Yeah, that's my simple random mind for ya! I just don't think sexy works for a girl without curves like me, when my upper body is as flat as a plank. But don't worry, I still love myself just as I am. And you should too, the best possible version of yourself that is.

LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE

"The one thing she wants me to do is to marry someone

 who loves me more than I love him, because a woman will always give

 even more than they need to... we're selfless beings, it's maternal.

 Even with her husband she said it will be that way with them as well... 

They will only meet you half way if they love you a little more." 

- Rihanna

My father has always told me this: "Find someone who loves you more than you love him". And I didn't understand it at the time, even now I'm not sure if I have fully understood it. It sounded selfish, if not selfish, it sounded miserable... Why would I want to be with someone who I didn't love as much as I could love someone else? Wouldn't I be happier if I was with someone I truly loved to the deepest of my capabilities? I think the most important part about this is the advice came from my father, not my mother, so for a male figure to tell me that I should find a man that loves me more than I love them... that's something...

CHEATER

"Cheating isn't always kissing, touching, or flirting. 

If you have to delete text messages so your partner

doesn't see them, you're already there."

The truth is every man is tempted to cheat, the goal is to find someone who is strong and smart enough to resist such a temptation. Asking M how he resists from being curious about other women after years of dating his current girlfriend, he replies, you just need to change your life up so you don't get bored, you need to know that often the problem is not with the girl but with the surroundings.

This is what I call a smart man. The goal is not to find an unattractive man, a stupid man or an extremely kind man because even unattractive, stupid, kind men cheat. Find a man with a strong moral compass with an even stronger will to fight temptation. Someone who fights for you everyday. Otherwise, be ready to have to deal with cheating. Because to be with someone for more than 60 years, a man is bound to be curious about the other women around him, those younger than you, funnier than you or simply more mysterious than you.

THE NAKED TRUTH

"Everyone deserves the truth, and needs to hear it... whether they can
 handle the truth depends on their ability to know themselves... if they
 can't handle the reality of reality, then they will likely only disappoint
 a significant other in a truly deep emotional relationship. 
(You don't want to be that significant other).

 - Tomas

Maybe being a very reflective person, on myself and the people and environment around me, has helped me better to face the truth that people bestow upon me. Want to know some truth? I was told by my first boyfriend that his parents didn't like me after meeting them for the first time over a short exchange of conversation. And I was so hurt by the truth. Some would wonder why on earth would he let me know something so horrible like that without any suggestions to help the situation, and to tell me that the thing his parents didn't like was in both my looks and personality... But here's the second half of the truth: I didn't blame him. In my crazy, weird way, I respected his honesty. He had no malicious intent to hurt me, sure it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do to let me know something like this but I see that it comes from a place of honesty. I admire bluntness so far as it is not malicious.

SPECTRUMS OF RED

“Red is such an interesting color to correlate with emotion, 

because it’s on both ends of the spectrum. On one end you have
 happiness, falling in love, infatuation with someone, passion, 
all that. On the other end, you’ve got obsession, jealousy, 
danger, fear, anger and frustration.”

- Taylor Swift

In this world there are three types of people: (1) those who date for fun, (2) those who don't waste time dating unless they see some future value in them, and (3) those who don't date but only have sexual encounters.

If you are the small proportion of the population who is like me, who fall under the second category, the world is a jungle. The third category of people are easy to avoid, their intentions loud and clear, and for that I have much respect. They know their time is valuable and they know what they want, that is something the second and third categories share in common. It is the first category of people that you are prey to.

GOLDEN GIRL

"If you don't build your dreams, 

someone will hire you to help build theirs."

-Tony Gaskin

I go by the idea that crazy is better than normal. Wild is better than boring. Insanity is what creates greatness. People call Kanye crazy but if he wasn't crazy do you think he would be so successful? Everything seems wild and absurd until someone does it. I mean who decided it was a good idea to create a box that makes sounds and shines out light? Impossible things are only impossible until someone is crazy enough to bring it on themselves to make it possible.

DARK ROSE

'The woman is the reflection of her man'
- Not Brad Pitt*

So I had a recent conversation with a dear friend, K, about his long term relationship with his girlfriend. It is remarkable how long they've been together but he tells me that recently his relationship had hit a rough patch and they almost broke up right before their anniversary. Most relationships fall out for the same reason, things get 'boring'. After so many years, it is easy for the spark to be lost from time to time. And hence it is constant work, relationships aren't easy. Many people know this, but how many people really know this. Anyway, the discussion I wanted to share here is not about regaining the spark (because even I am still trying to figure that part out) but rather to discuss the certain things he said in reference to things he didn't like coming from his girlfriend:

TIISCH TIISCH

'There is more to life than 

increasing its speed."

- Mohandas Gandhi

*Tsk Tsk, a sound of disapproval. And Tiisch Tiisch? Seems like a cuter version of the sound of disapproval. Disapproving the fact that we are yet again indulging our taste buds, but whatever, we deserve it! Stepping into law, it has warned us of its potential affects on our mental health, the potential for depression. That's why there's often free food and ice-cream and cute things like free massages during 'Stress-less Week' on the lead up to exams. But one week is not enough if anyone is truly on the verge of a mental breakdown. Don't push yourself too hard. I know I did. I wasn't just all words when I wrote Renegade, I kept saying yes to opportunities until I recently had to start saying no to everything, because I had completely exhausted myself and it had a backlash effect. I think this is the definition of burning out.

WILD CHILD

'Never lose your fire'

You should never lose the touch of a child, the carefree silly vibes, the innocent heart. The world is a difficult place and often it brings out the worst in us, and that's okay, but never lose sight of the goodness in you. There was a particular day, for no immediate reason at all, where the world hit me like a tonne of bricks, all of a sudden I started questioning the genuineness of people, whether everything was a lie, or for how long was it a lie for? I was paranoid about the intentions of those around me. It was like a really dark cloud falling over me as I wore tinted glasses and saw nothing but darkness. I was overwhelmed that day, never had I viewed the world as a darker place and I felt extremely lost and isolated. But the negative emotion was too unbearable for me to hold, I could never hate a human being, it is like poison for the soul. So by the end of the day I managed to forgive and sought to highlight their goodness. Thank you G, for being there to talk it through with me. There I found peace. I could not possibly hold hate for more than a day. Forgive and forget, and if you cannot forgive, simply forget. 

SECRET RENDEZVOUS

But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms

And if you like having secret little rendezvous

If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn’t do

Then baby, I'm perfect

And if you like midnight driving with the windows down

And if you like going places we can’t even pronounce

If you like to do whatever you've been dreaming about

Then baby, you're perfect

-One Direction (Perfect)

Sagittariuses are fire signs, whether star signs are believable or not, I am fiery and bold nonetheless. I have a thing for activities that give a rush of adrenaline, whether that is getting up to late night mischief, going on roller-coaster rides or discovering new experiences. I can be wild and crazy in the silliest way. And with this recent adventure, I pushed myself to experience time away from home in a foreign city alone. 

A LIL' BAD

"Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel,

I hope that you choose not to be a lady.

I hope you will find some way to

break the rules and make a little trouble out there.

And I also hope that you will choose to make some

of that trouble on behalf of women."

- Nora Ephron

It hit me, that revelation, waking me up. Those words my friend said as a joke to another: "Not mad, just disappointed...Wow you're guilt tripping". And that has been me a few times in the past, I have subconsciously guilt tripped those whom I loved. In wanting to retain the 'good-girl' image, I would never say I'm mad (at them), I would only say I was disappointed (in the situation). Because 'mad' is such a strong negative emotion. But disappointment is like an evil clown, deceivingly colourful all over. Toxic. Passive-aggressive. 'Disappointed' is so often perceived to be an attack on a person, not on a situation, so one should be careful with the usage of the word. Words of negative emotions are sensitive to express. 80% of the time it will be perceived wrong. Communication is difficult, gosh this is why I can't deal with people sometimes.

JUST LOVE

"A lot of women don't know how to love because there's 
deep reasons for them not knowing how to love. 
And what I mean by deep reasons is deep and dark reasons." 
- Lil Wayne

I have loved and I have lost, twice. But I did not love entirely, I loved in fear. And with fear, love is driven to the ground. It took me to make my mistake twice to finally realise where I went wrong. My stages are in reverse and it confuses the hell out of them: in the first instance when I like them, I am comfortable and I am myself; but when we get to know each other more and I start really falling for them, I start getting scared and awkward and almost turn into someone else. This lingers for a fair few months and eventually feelings die off because how do you love someone who's not being themself? The person you were attracted to in the beginning is not there. And it didn't help with my confusing signs and a lack of communication. God, my communication was terrible! It's like the school-girl crush concept in reverse (comfortable first then shy). So where is the solution? Even when we could've been perfect (though it takes two to tango), am I just going to keep tearing down every single masterpiece because of my own insecurities? Thankfully, no, because I am finally liberated from the fear of vulnerability, set free by the experience of my first heartbreak which ironically now makes me fearless in loving, with gratitude towards everything that has happened to bring me here.

CONFIDENT

'It is better to be hated for what you are

than to be loved for what you are not'

- Andre Gide

I often have the deepest conversations with my older brother, I swear he is my life mentor. I will owe him a lot, the day I succeed. Having experienced a string of what I would value as failures a while back, I felt I had hit rock bottom and was in the midst of a breakdown, losing direction in life and questioning my purpose. I am thankful for my family for being the positive guiding light in my life, and for my older brother for his deep wise words. With the conversation still ringing in my ear, resurrecting me from my dead negative self into this positive being full of strength and inspiration, I hope his words will bring you strength too, those who are also struggling out there.

1. Confidence is key. With confidence, even if you have failed, you are not a failure and you will proceed to succeed because you know exactly what you are capable of and nomatter what, you are still going to get there and nothing can stop you. Those who are truly confident are extremely powerful, because nothing can affect them, they know who they are and they know what they need to do. With age and maturity, confidence builds. Quoting my wise older brother, 'You see old people walking around with that "I don't give a f*ck" attitude. It's because they've seen it all and experienced it all, there is nothing for them to worry and care about anymore. The sooner you reach that stage the better.'

LITTLE MATCHA GIRLS

Sure, I'm a pretty girl

Up in a pretty world

But they say pretty hurts

And I don't wanna sit still

I'm a pretty girl

Up in a pretty world

But no, I won't sit still, look pretty

- Daya (Sit Still, Look Pretty)

Back at it again, photoshooting with this food blogger babe. Would you believe us if we told you that we rocked up with really similar outfits by accident (including denim jacket and black purses not in sight here)? How cute that we share such a connection. We also shared a common sweet tooth, indulging in dessert for brunch because we really don't care much for social norms when dessert looks so good (though my stomach didn't agree it was a good idea for the rest of the day, so I recommend probably getting one of their savoury meals for brunch instead).

Dressed up as little matcha girls, we looked very much at home in this cute minimalist cafe serving Japanese-French inspired patisserie. Cute and pretty? Yes. But we share bold kind hearts and fierce ambitions, strong and undefinable. Both with full schedules, working profusely towards our goals, we are definitely not the types to sit still and look pretty... except for this photoshoot.  

WONDERLAND

"Didn't they tell us don't rush into things

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me... 

And life was never worse but never better

In Wonderland"

- Taylor Swift (Wonderland)

Nothing that comes easy lasts. Short cuts and fast money are all just temporary illusions, your own temporary Wonderland. Very soon they just disappear. Take your time with progressing things you want to keep in your life. I do wonder however, our society values pursuing our dreams so much, is it just setting us up for disappointment? Yet there's the saying: 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained' remember? And I do worry sometimes, what will happen if I never find something I am passionate about that I can wake up to every Monday morning? How many Monday mornings do I have to wake up to not working for something I truly believe in before I give up hope?

NOTES

“After silence, that which comes nearest to

 expressing the inexpressible is music.” 

- Aldous Huxley

Oh how the beauty of creating music has been forgotten. Surrounded by everyday commitments, striving to achieve big goals, to live the bigger picture... it is easy to forget the simplicity of the emotions that the keys of a piano can inspire. You forget that it is a gift to be able to transform single notes into a beautiful melodious poem. A language of its own. You forget it is a gift to be able to create emotions at your fingertips.   

ON THE ROAD

"Life was meant for good friends

 and great adventure."

This was our last bit of getaway before we returned to our books, with university starting straight after we returned home. Finally, our first holiday where all six of us were present. How difficult it is for six very different people, with different passions, interests and priorities to come together and enjoy three days away. One of us even brought her textbooks to study as she had a quiz the day we planned to return. And I left straight from work, hopping into the road trip car in my work clothes for that long 4.5 hour drive at night.  Now that's dedication to the gang. Our first holiday with the whole #squad present, and sadly probably our last, what with adult life kicking in.   

ZEN MENTALITY

"I want to be like water. I want to slip 
through fingers, but hold up a ship"

- Michelle Williams

 

Overthinking is so severely entrenched in the person that I am that there's no separation from it. I prefer the term: philosophical. That's why you read what I write isn't it? Because my head of thoughts is somehow interesting. But there is a certain level of healthy thinking and once upon a time it was too much, emotions exaggerated the amount of thinking necessary. Now I've learnt to let go a lot more, to just go with the flow of life and not overthink, because "worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything. It messes with your mind and steals your happiness." 

RENEGADE

"We're riding through the dark night...

Don't say a word while we dance with the devil

You brought a fire to a world so cold...

We're running all the red lights down

No way that we can stop..."

- Duke Dumont (Ocean Drive)

You will never know where it will take you unless you give it a chance and open your heart to new experiences. There is nothing worse than 'what if'. Leave behind the excuse of 'can't, shouldn't, or don't have time to do something'. The most interesting events in my life occurred because I decided to over-commit myself, juggling work, study and social life. Yes, I feared I had over-committed myself and headed my way to failure, but instead it ended up motivating me and made me more efficient. I was living life on the fast lane: learning 10x more, growing 10x quicker, and ultimately 10x closer to success. Because honestly, as the epic quote goes "you have the same number of hours in a day as Beyonce".

DUST & MEMORIES

''I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It's a crazy thing to do. 
It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity."

- Amy (Her)

Sharing deep thoughts on a platform like this is risky, I have yet to master how much to reveal of my personal life. But my purpose has always been, from the very beginning, to inspire and I am sure there is enough insecure people out there to encourage this fortnight's article. For those who suffer from 'flight risk' when things get too serious with someone, where you become a risk of dropping everything and leaving with no explanation, I feel you. People easily lose themselves in emotionally vulnerable situations. I have never carried any insecurity in myself, but I have had for some time carried a deep insecurity in the whole idea of committing to another person because everything seems to fall apart so easily. To put your heart and soul into something so flaky is insanity but "it's like a socially acceptable form of insanity". Never in my life have I seen anything more fragile.

NINETIES

"If you've never jumped from one couch to the other

 to avoid the lava, you've never had a childhood."

So many beautiful memories rest in the 90's, bringing back moments of simplicity and joy. How sad it is that kids these days are stuck inside with screens glaring into their eyeballs. Days of playing princesses roaming the gardens certainly bring back some sweet memories (though I really have polar personalities even as a child because I was also that tomboy who threw live snails onto bitumen with my brothers). And who better to share these reminiscent moments with than my childhood babe Jiaxin from The Food Enthusiast. You may recognise her from one of my previous articles: Brunch Babe. We recently caught up with one another again and thought why not take advantage of our time together: another photo-shoot moment it is!

AISHITE IMASU

"私の放浪の日  My wandering days

愛しています I love you"

Aishite imasu is 'I love you' in Japanese. And I do love you Japan. I love you for being able to momentarily satisfy my obsession with wandering around in unknown cities. I had high expectations for you because everyone who has had the pleasure to get to know you have told me how amazing you are. And I'm glad to say you have not disappointed. Like every stranger who has been blessed to meet you, I have fallen in love with you too.